the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
