And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
