Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
