Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
try to milk me bitch
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