i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
