I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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