What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
