dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
