He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
