So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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