NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
