I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize