I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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