he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
