Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
