Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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