Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
