you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
