i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
