Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
