It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
