That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
