ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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