I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
im holly from the hills drunk
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
