I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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