Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
