Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
