oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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