i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You are a genius and a whore.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
