Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
