Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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