it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Randomize
