Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
