And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
