I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
