one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
