Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
