I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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