We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
