im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
