I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
