why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
