i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
