So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
