Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize