Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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