I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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