I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
