Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
