i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My pussy is not your playground.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
