so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
