Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize