Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
