Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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