Got a toothbrush?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
