I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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