she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
