His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
