so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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