just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
