My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
