TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
whose parrot is this?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
