They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
