If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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