I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
