somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
