Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So many bounce houses so little time
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
