I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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