I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
