We're facebook friends in real life
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
