Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
