if you like me you must not know who I am
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize