I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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